I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
