I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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