i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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