You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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