Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
