i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
