Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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