we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
