When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
