last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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