a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
