Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize