I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
