That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
