Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
