I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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