You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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