Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
