I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
3 2 1 whiskey
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
