This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
