This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So many bounce houses so little time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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