some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
