You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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