Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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