She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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