I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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