i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize