We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
