sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize