I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
