I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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