Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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