Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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