Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
