He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
