we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
