Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
