So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
