Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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