Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
