You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
