Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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