shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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