last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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