you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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