they need to just BURY HIM!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
