You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
