so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize