i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
