Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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