I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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