could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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