watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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