Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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