Kiss
Puke
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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