He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
