I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize