You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize