so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
